Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Panties = found
Randomize
