I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
