11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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