Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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