Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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