It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
