Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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