The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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