So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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