Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
