she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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