i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
