I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
