to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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