I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
