If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
