We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
