I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
