Is it normal to miss your booty call?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
