You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
and you fell through a lawn chair
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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