Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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