Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
