I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
