I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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