She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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