they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
