I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
