i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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