my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
