cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
