apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
