You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I supernannyed him into submission
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
