I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
