I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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