youre lurking in front of me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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