Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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