I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
