no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
