so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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