The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
