Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
