laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
