I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize