One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
