I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
