from now on my penis is your penis
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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