i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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