i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize