Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's get the cat blown out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
