I can tuck mytits in my pants
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
