i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
