The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
