now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
