Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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