I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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