he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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