Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
