Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
worst night to have a conscience
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize