Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
