I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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