i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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