I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
