That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
