A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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