So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
