There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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