Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
