Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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