Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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