And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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