So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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