so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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